Thursday, May 9, 2013

Facing Mother's Day Without Her Son, Ethan Saylor's Mom Shares Memories

This Mother's Day while most moms are having a good time being spoiled, Patti Richmond will be missing her son Ethan Saylor. Ethan, a young man with Down syndrome, was killed on January 12 during an altercation with three off-duty Frederick, MD police officers moonlighting as mall cops because he didn't want to leave a movie theater after the show was over.

Not only does Patti not have her son, but she also does not have justice for his homicide. There are many unanswered questions that an initial and internal investigation swept under the rug, preferring a narrative that blamed Ethan's Ds for his death.

As a Mother's Day gift to this grieving mom, would you add your name to the petition asking the Maryland Attorney General to ask for an independent investigation into the circumstances that led to her son's death?


Read on to share in a personal Mother's Day memory written by Ethan's mother.



Remembering My Ethan on Mother's Day

es1I miss Ethan so much each and every day since he was taken from us. My other children, Emma and Adam, surround me with their love. We comfort each other, we cry together, we laugh together, we speak "Ethan speak" together. I know I am blessed... blessed to have been Ethan's mother and to have two wonderful young adult children to hold me up and love me every day, not just one special day a year.

When I think about the upcoming Mother's Day, I can't help but remember the antics of Mother's Day 2012. Each family lucky enough to have a character with an extra chromosome has a collection of treasured stories to tell. At our house we call them Ethan stories or Ethanisms. Last Mother's Day was a gem...

We had just moved into our new home. With an in-law suite for Ethan, the house was large enough to accommodate his support staff, my other children, a home office, two cats and our new dog. We were planning to entertain two of Ethan's favorite people in the whole world, his Grandma and Granddaddy. I awoke that Saturday morning with chest pain that persisted through cleaning the house and running errands. Even though I felt sure it was acid reflux brought on by the stress of the move, I reluctantly took myself to the Frederick Memorial emergency room.

Frederick Memorial hospital, home of the birthing center where years earlier midwife Marge helped bring my three beautiful babies into the world. FMH, where I trained to become a nurse when Ethan was a baby. As I waited for tests in that familiar hospital, I never imagined that just eight months later it would be the last place I would lay eyes on my first born child, my Ethan.

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Turns out, testing proved it was a GI thing but not before I spent three days in the hospital including Mother's Day. My kids brought me flowers, cards, and goodies, and visited for a while. Of course Ethan came to visit and refused to leave me. He was steadfast and determined to spend the whole day with me. I knew he was anxious, afraid of the unknown and just needed to be with his mom. I was physically fine, bored awaiting tests, so it was wonderful to have Ethan there with me to pass the time.

While I was dozing off... in true Ethan fashion, he slipped in to the bathroom in my room without me or his staff person noticing. Once inside, he locked the door. Ethan's routine often included a shower after doing his business and soon we heard the shower water running.

That's when it happened... Ethan burst into his best shower voice and serenaded us all for the next 20 minutes. Ethan was a praying man. He talked regularly to the Lord and on this day he took this time to make his prayers for my health be heard. He sang his prayers to God (and the entire 2nd floor cardiac wing), "Please have mercy on my mom's soul and please don't let my mom to die, cuz I love her so much."

His young staffer and I couldn't stop laughing... yet tears filled my eyes as I witnessed his innocence, his sweet love for me and his life with me. He was completely at home in the hospital of his birth singing to God in the shower. He finally emerged from the bathroom with a grin from ear to ear.

Things like this happened day-to- day in my life with Ethan. He was the light of our life. He brought us great delight and it is that delight we miss the most. We are all so very sad there will be no new Ethan stories, no Uncle Ethan stories. On this Mother's Day and every day, we cling to our memories.

So this Sunday, this first Mother's Day without my son, I might just have to take a spin through the FMH parking lot, sing out loud his favorite Bob Marley tune and thank the Lord for my Ethan, for his life that brought us the stories and hours of delight.

Happy Mother's Day my dear friends, may you have many, many more with your beautiful children.

- Patti Richmond Saylor
Don't forget to wish Patti a happy Mother's Day by signing the petition.

On Mother's Day, Ethan's family will be participating in a vigil organized by an old time friend and fellow mother of a boy with Ds. Balloons will be released to honor Ethan's memory, at his favorite childhood park. Details about the event can be found at www.facebook.com/events/140249656159651

26 comments:

  1. Patti. My heart just aches for you. Thank you for sharing your story and such a wonderful, fun-loving, joyful story about Ethan! My son, Charlie, was also blessed with an extra chromosome. He doesn't yet speak, so I cannot wait for the day when he can sing in a shower -- no matter its location!

    Charlie brings us such joy, as I know Ethan brought you. I cannot fathom the pain you've been through, but you must know that there are so many moms and dads out here thinking of you every day and - most importantly - advocating for justice. Justice for Ethan and hope for a better future for all our children. God bless you and your family.

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  2. Patti, Ethan's zest for life and his love for you comes through clearly in this sweet and funny story. Thank you for sharing this remembrance of him! The picture of Ethan with his siblings is so precious--so much joy :). We will keep pushing for the answers you deserve. We won't forget.

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  3. What a beautiful memory; I have no doubt that you have many more. I know the pain of losing someone I loved deeply, but to lose one of my children is almost unfathomable. My heart hurts for your loss. You and your family remain in my thoughts.

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  4. Such joy and such sorrow. I am so sorry your sorrow had to come with the unnecessary pain of in justice. My hope is that our gift as Mothers can be to help you get some justice for this horrible end to a wonderful life. Your voice for your son can not be spoken by us but we can sure try to echo your pain. Much love to you Mama Bear Patti.

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  5. Patti,
    My heart breaks for you and Ethan still.
    Thank you for sharing some of your memories.
    My youngest is 13 with Ds.
    We'll say a prayer for both of you this Sunday.

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  6. Patti
    We will not give up on justice for you and your son. In your son is our childrens future and their safety and a greater understanding for all with a T21. He cannot be replaced, but his spirit must now be the wind on our wings of change.

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  7. That is a beautiful memory. Thank you for sharing his light with us. No injustice can ever take away that delight. We will hold that delight in our hearts as well; his life has touched many, many people. Love from our family to yours.

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  8. Oh Patti - what a wonderful memory to share and I know you have many, many more to think of. I, like so many others, can only imagine the pain that you must be feeling but know that we are all with you - thousands of arms wrapped around you. Know that we have not forgotten and we will not forget - we will keep fighting for justice for your son as if he were our own. Thank you for sharing this with us.

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  9. Thank you for sharing your memories. Though he is absent from this life he is present with the Lord. Rest assured you will see him again some day. In the meantime we will not stop advocating. #justiceforethan

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  10. Patti...This is beautiful. I continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. You have so many wonderful memories of Ethan and are blessed with 2 other wonderful children. Happy Mother's Day...hope you release a pink balloon for all your YBB sisters. Hugs!!

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  11. Patti, we all grieve with you and are fighting on Ethan's behalf...for what, we're not sure...justice? A reckoning? An apology? Something other than "it's not our fault" and "this was standard procedure". This could have been any of our children with Down syndrome or other DD's....we're all HERE with you. --- Andrea Roberts from Reece's Rainbow

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  12. The only comfort that can be had in such a situation is the comfort of the Lord. Thank you for sharing your stories about your wonderful son. You are in my thoughts and prayers this Mothers Day. God bless you!

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  13. Thank you for the gift of your son to the world, Patti. I am grieving for you all and hoping and fighting for justice for Ethan. Peace to you all, now and always.

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  14. Dear Patti - I can't imagine the pain of such a loss. Please know that we, the moms of the Ds community, have you and your family in our thoughts and prayers. Ethan was truly a gift!

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  15. My heart aches for you! I can not even imagine the pain. When I first heard of this story, it angered me and I am still angered today. I will absolutely help in any way I can. I am sorry that you do not have your son here with you on Mothers day and every other day. I know that he is with his Father in heaven and happy as he could be. I am sure that he wishes he could be here with you though. Love to you and your family!!

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  16. God Bless you Patti. This Mother's Day I am without my mom for the 1st time... We can grieve together

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  17. thinking of you this needs to be investigated.... N.Ireland

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  18. dear patti - I can't imagine your pain... I saw it in eyes when we lost my big brother jimmie jr. <3 your ethan was a gem in this wonderful life wwe have all been given the day we each were gifted with our ds family member.. <3 ours is our grandson bugg's -aka taylor doss -he is 5 1/2 and very limited verbally >30 words.. but just like ethan very musically inclined -never heard a song he didn't sing too in his own way much to everyone's delight.. he has even ran up on stage to join in before being caught .. he's quick...lol...this pic of your 3 looks like ethan was about bugg's age.. how beautiful all 3 are.. <3 your story brings tears to my eyes out of love of all our special gifts.. we truly are the ones that have been blessed to have and enjoy them.. just wish the world could understand how wonderful they are.. <3 to you and your family.. <3 ethan will be right beside you singing on mother's day i'm sure... <3 bugg's nunna and poppa <3

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  19. My thoughts and prayers are with you, I can not even imagine your pain and sadness over the loss of your son and this terrible injustice. May you know the love of God is all around you even if does not seem so.

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  20. I can't imagine your loss or pain. Thank you for sharing your Ethanisms with us. I will send you prayers of peace on Mother's Day.
    xoxo
    Nicki

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  21. I've been thinking of you often as Mother's Day approaches, Patti. Sending you much love. Julie

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  22. Patti, thank you for allowing us to get to know Ethan a little. I can only imagine how funny it was that day in the hospital room as Ethan sang and prayed!

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  23. I am deeply sorry for your loss. It breaks the hearts of all of us who love and cherish a son with ds. Thanks for letting us hear from you. I will hold this Ethan story in my heart as I do the other stories of his life I have collected since his horrible, untimely and completely wrongful going. I feel the whole world should be standing up in outrage with us. I had an op-ed published in my local newspaper, and I relate this story to everyone ~always. The world needs to change. Love, hugs and prayers to you and your wonderful family, Patti.

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  24. Patti--I do not know you but I've been thinking of you all week. I am so very sorry for the loss of you dear son, his life has touched me and I want you to know that. Truly. I hope you enjoy telling more stories about Ethan with your children this Mother's Day.

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  25. Patti, I'm sorry you have to spend this Mother's Day without Ethan. I loved reading your memories of him - thank you for sharing. May your family find some peace in your joyful memories of your son x

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